We were adopted for Christmas…A generous ex-pat who’s been in PNG for nearly 20 years simply approached us in the bar and extended an offer to join her and her friends for the day….so we were picked up in the pouring rain and ferried across to her mates place out at 19 mile (incidentally that’s both a suburb and the distance from town). Turns out her mate runs the largest security company in PNG and his property also housed over 400 security dogs… a huge breeding and training facility.

So with the dogs barking in the background, Ham, turkey and endless booze on tap we spend a very enjoyable day…but I just gotta share some of the stories….they blew our brains.

Let’s start with shooting a couple of intruders on the property (bear in mind it’s like fort knox, with razor wire around the entire boundary) and requesting assistance from the police in disposing of the bodies, only to be informed that established practice is to simply take the bodies down to river that feeds the crocodile farm!

On another occasion a security guard was shot on duty and in an attempt to send the body back to the family with some respect, had bought a suit to clothe the poor lad. Unfortunately the van carrying the body was held up and the suit was stolen from the corpse, which was then left to rot on the road…pretty grizzly stuff eh.

On a more personal note, one chap was openly discussing his relationship issues…his first wife (a PNG National) had something of a volatile character and she spent most of their 10 years together chasing him round the house with a carving knife, until one day he stopped running, turned around and belted her….after the restraining order had been lifted….they divorced…wherein he married again, but in his words… “this Mary’s a much better wife…she only sets after me with a baseball bat, and even then, only when she wants some attention”….what a relief.

Ralph also had a chat with the GM of a new gold mine…who was praising the use of cyanide to extract the gold…when Ralph asked how they deal with the cyanide…. he said “we just use other chemicals to neutralise it” …when Ralph then asked what then happens to all those chemicals, he replied “we pump it into a dam and when operations are finished…we cap the dam”… gotta love environmentally friendly practices.

There were many other stories that kept our jaws on the floor but that’s all either Ralph or I can remember for the moment. Such incredibly welcoming and generous people but my lawd…. Talk about another world!